Welcome back to another blog! If this is your first time here, my name is Megan, and I’m an author.
Before I dive in, if you prefer videos to text, I cover this topic on YouTube:
Alright, let’s dive in!
If you read one of my previous blogs, you’ll know that I got an offer of representation from a literary agent back in October of last year. I also posted a YouTube video on the topic.
However, I started writing and querying books about 15 years ago, and until this offer, I received nothing but rejections. Crickets. Nada.
Today, I want to talk about mindset, because I believe it’s so much more important than we realize.
How I knew I needed to change my mindset
I have been rejected hundreds of times. I’ve gone unanswered by agents hundreds of times. That’s what this journey looks like for a lot of us. It’s a lot of rejection and a lot of silence.
Over the years, I’ve oscillated between being really good at managing my feelings and not letting the rejection get to me, and…crying. What kept me going is my love of writing. I LOVE it.
But rejection hurts. And as it piled up over the years, I got to a point where it really took a toll on my mental health.
Because this is what I want to do with my life, my negative thoughts turned into, “Well, what if this never works out for me? My life will be over.”
I know that sounds dramatic. But anyone who loves writing as much as I do—or loves anything, for that matter—will get it.
I knew I wasn’t going to quit, which meant that I had to find a reliable, sustainable way to try to stay positive and always look forward.
I’ve tried a lot of different things over the years, and in this blog, I’m going to share the affirmations and mindset tips and tricks that have worked really well for me. My hope is that you’ll pick up something new that also works for you, but I fully understand that your brain might work differently from mine. You have to find what’s best for you.
#1: There’s more than enough room for me
Any time I saw someone else get an agent or a publishing deal, it always felt like, by default, that took away an opportunity from me.
It was almost as if there’s a finite number of authors who can find success, and every time someone else “makes it,” that’s one less opportunity for me.
This is a scarcity mindset, this is a mindset of lack, and this is entirely fear-driven.
There is no limit to how many of us can find success. Your success has nothing to do with mine, and mine has nothing to do with yours.
This sounds obvious. But it’s very easy to feel like the walls are closing in on you when it appears that everyone else is making it, but you’re not—which is not the case, by the way. There are many authors just like you and me.
I started telling myself, “There’s plenty of room for me. There are plenty of opportunities for me. There are plenty of agents for me,” because it’s true.
That helped to take a little of that self-inflicted pressure off because I eventually understood that opportunities don’t expire or run out.
#2: Social media is not a reflection of reality
You already know this, but it continues to negatively affect us anyway.
Social media is a highlights reel. It exists to get you to click, scroll, and stick around. That means that, more often than we probably realize, people and companies are posting what they think will make you stop and look.
And because our attention spans have dwindled to almost nothing, social media content, over time, has had to get more ridiculous to get our attention.
What does that mean? This means that you need to take everything you see online with a grain of salt.
How does this apply to authors?
For me, I felt like every time I logged onto X, everyone was posting that they got an offer of representation.
Not only that, but it felt like these same authors had only been at it for a short while: “After two grueling weeks in the query trenches, I got six offers of representation on my debut book.”
In reality, does this happen? Probably. Is it the rule, or the exception to the rule?
It’s the exception to the rule.
It’s just that it appeared front and center in my feed, and it felt very visible and very prominent, even though for every post like that, I saw 50 from authors who had just gotten rejected.
But my brain had the tendency to zero in on the person or the people who acquired what I wanted but couldn’t get.
This made me feel small.
So, when I see these posts now, I actively remind myself that most authors are like me in the sense that they are rejected a lot before finding success.
And I’m not in the state of mind to remind myself of that, I don’t go on social media. Period. If I can’t manage the trigger, I avoid the trigger. I run from my problems. Sometimes, it’s okay to run from your problems!
Social media can be amazing, but it can also be white noise. I understand now that I have to tune it out sometimes.
#3: I’m going to be writing no matter what, so I should stop stressing about the outcome
Years ago, before I had really invested in mindset, I would be working on a manuscript, and I’d think, “If this isn’t the book that gets me an agent, I quit!”
I would threaten myself, which is kind of funny.
The real kicker is I never stopped writing, because I love it.
So putting a condition on it—meaning, “If I don’t get this outcome, I quit”—was pointless. The last three books I wrote, I got in the habit of thinking, “I’m going to be writing no matter what, so if this book isn’t the book, maybe it’ll be the next.”
I think it’s great to have goals. I am a very goal-driven person, sometimes to a fault. However, I think the limit is that you shouldn’t write books solely for the outcome. Writing a book is too challenging and too time-consuming not to enjoy the process.
I do it for both the process and the outcome. That way, even if I don’t get the outcome I wanted, I still enjoyed the journey. I talk more about that in this video:
#4: I am the exception
I know those words might get me the side-eye from some people, but let me explain.
For years, my brain has defaulted to, “This industry is so saturated. This industry is so competitive. The odds are so stacked against you. Your odds of making it are slim to none.”
Whether or not that’s true, it wasn’t good for my brain. So I said, “I’m going to think positively!”
That led me to, “I’m going to make all my dreams come true…but this industry is so competitive.”
That’s not much better than what I was thinking before.
I started with a positive, and ended with fear. “I know I’ll find success, but…” “I know I can do this, but…”
I had to remove the buts. This means that I had to start convincing myself that I’m going to be what I’ve defined as the exception. “There’s room for plenty of people to succeed, and I’m going to be one of them!”
What’s the alternative? Should I have continued thinking, “Most people fail, and I’m probably going to fail too”? That didn’t feel good.
I know that this line of thinking might sound backwards because we’re not supposed to think we’re special snowflakes who are the exception to the rule, and many times, I agree! In this case, I think it’s not only acceptable but preferable to believe you’re the exception.
If this tip has given you the impression that I am arrogant, maybe that’s not a bad thing, and maybe that means you need to be telling yourself the same. If it makes you feel icky telling yourself this, ask yourself why. Why does it make you feel icky believing that you can reach your goals?
Remember what the alternative is.
We get to decide what we think of ourselves.
#5: It is already done
If you’ve spent any time learning about the law of attraction or manifestation or anything of that ilk, you’ve probably read that you need to talk about the things you want like you already have them, not that you’re going to get them.
The reason is that when you put the thought out there—as an example, “I’m going to get a literary agent”—the message you’re projecting is, “I don’t have this thing, but I’m going to have it.”
Like attracts like, and the universe responds in kind by going, “Ok, you don’t have this thing yet? Then you will continue to not have this thing.”
Rather, if you say, think, feel, “It’s already mine. It’s already done,” what you will get in return is that thing you want, already yours.
It’s a small tweak in wording that now feels profoundly different to me. But this took a mindset shift. I had to realize that even though I was thinking positively, I was still fixated on what I didn’t have.
Now, when I’m doing my affirmations or when I’m feeling discouraged, I’ll repeat, “It’s already done. It’s already mine. Thank you!”
My success is guaranteed. It’s already done.
This shift didn’t happen overnight
Teaching myself to think this way was not an overnight thing, and it was not a one-time thing. Furthermore, I understand now that I can’t stop. I have to practice this daily because the self-doubt has a way of creeping back in.
While I did reach this milestone of getting an agent, the journey is not done. In some ways, I’m beginning a new journey that will present new experiences—opportunities for growth and learning.
My point is, I don’t share any of this like it’s easy. It’s not. And at this point in time, I still have more experience being negative and fear-driven than I do the opposite, so in that sense, I have to be even more diligent in thinking differently because it’s not automatic yet, in the way that being negative was.
One really cool thing I’ve noticed is that because I’m in this new chapter, I kind of got a fresh start. I was querying for about 15 years. I came to know that whole process very well. I knew what to expect and became very familiar with it, which is good, but I also fell into a mindset of lack.
I’m now in this place where I’m done querying, and instead, the new journey is about writing books that my agent can go out and pitch to editors. I’m not familiar with this. So it’s an opportunity for me to be better from the beginning, and get my mind right from the beginning.
That’s why, as an example, I do not listen to people on social media who say that most books die on submission (“sub”), which means that an agent takes your book and tries to find an editor and a publisher, and they can’t, so the project dies.
Also, many agents have said that this isn’t even true!
Either way, I won’t even expose myself to that content on social media. I don’t want to know. I don’t care. That’s not my problem, not my business.
I’m good. I’m great. My book is great. My agent is great. Editors love me. Publishers love me. My success is guaranteed!
I’m being really good about not letting the fear seep in, in the first place. And that feels so much nicer than the alternative.
Like I said earlier, if any of this triggers a negative feeling in you, I think it’s worth exploring. Maybe ask yourself, “Do I doubt my potential so much that when Megan tells me my success is guaranteed, my reaction is to go, ‘Oh no, it’s not!’?”
Maybe you should unpack that baggage and see what’s inside.
I want to emphasize that I’m not feeling extra cheery just because I have an agent now. This has been something I’ve worked at for the last several years. I’m a work in progress. And I will continue to work.
Some days are easier than others. Some days, I really struggle to keep my chin up. I try to allow myself to feel those feelings because I am human, and we’re supposed to experience a wide range of emotions. That’s part of the human experience. And there’s the yin and the yang, right? The good moments aren’t good without knowing how the bad moments feel.
But I think it’s more about not letting yourself be overcome by the negative. Not letting yourself stay there. Then you just feel sad all the time, and who wants to feel sad all the time? Not I.
Anyway, there’s the advice no one asked for. I know some people hear me talk about mindset and probably think it’s very woo-woo, but even if you take this at face value, what we’re talking about is making the choice to try to feel better.
That can only be a good thing.
Thanks for reading! See you next time.